My Big Fat Gay Wedding
by Jmgirl100
Summary: Cartman and Kyle are engaged and are planning on getting married soon. Everything is well, until Kyle's mother starts to get involved. Kyman, Stendy, NicholexToken and more Rated T for now. May go up.
1. Chapter 1

"You ready?" I turned around to Cartman who was leaning against our bedroom door. I stood up and nodded. "Yeah, I guess…" He chuckled and walked over to me. "Come on Kyle, you'll be fine. If your bitch of a mother can't accept that you're gonna get married to this hunk," he points at himself with a smirk before placing a huge hand on my shoulder, "Then screw her." I shook my head, "Dude, I'm not worried about my mom, asshole," I gave him a little punch on the arm for calling my mom a bitch before I continued, "I just….I don't know…" To be honest I had no idea why I was nervous to tell my family I was engaged to Cartman. My mom was excited when she found out I was with that 'Cartmanboy', surprisingly, since Cartman was known for trying to kill the Jews. But, I guess all of Cartman's charisma swooned my mother into forgiving him. Maybe it was his good looks? I don't know. Cartman suddenly wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed the back of my neck. "Kyle, stop being a little pussy. All we gotta do is tell them, see their reaction, talk about how I romantically purposed to you, come home and have hot, sweaty sex!" I laughed a bit and shook my head. "You're redicilous Cartman…..but you're right. Let's just get this over with." I led the way out of the room and felt Cartman grab my ass. "I'll even let you top tonight." I laughed again and smacked his ass. "I don't need your permission since that was going to happen anyway."

/

We arrived at my parents house and before I could get out the car, my phone started ringing. I unbuckled my seat belt so I could fish out my phone from my pocket. Ah, it's Stan.

"Hey dude, what's up?" "Hey Kyle, just wanted to know how your family took the news?" "We just pulled up to their house. I had to finish grading homework, so we just left the house." I watched Cartman get out of the car. "Oh okay, well good luck bro." "Thanks Stan. I'll text you on how it goes."

"Oh bubbie! I'm glad you're here! You're father and I were just talking about you and how proud we are that you're doing well at work!" I recently got a job as a teacher at South Park Elementary, the same elementary I went to as a kid. It's weird that I work at the one place I repeatedly complained about and I hated the teachers who worked there because they were all retarded. Especially Mr. Garrison. He was so bad at teaching and the only thing we learned was about really was which celebrity had the worse boob job. But, I came to like working with kids and watching over Ike all my life made me realize I could teach other kids. So I went to school to become a teacher and now I have my dream job.

"Thanks ma- oh and Cartman's here." I turned around to Cartman who was in back of me...or so I thought. Where the hell- "Mr. Broflovski, that t.v looks really sweat!" When did he get inside? My mother and I walked inside the living room as Cartman gushed about the new t.v my parents bought. "Ah yeah. One of my buddies gave me a good discount on this baby. Say, there's a football game happening soon, why don't you boys come watch with me." "Sure da-" I feel my shoulder being squeezed and looked up to see Cartman eyeing me. "What?" He rolls his eyes and whispers, "Kahhhl, the faster we get home the more time for banging my aaaassss." I glared at him before sighing."Actually dad, I just came to tell you and ma something." I had my mom and dad sit down on the couch while Cartman stood behind me. "What is it Kyle? Is everything okay?" I smiled and nodded. "Yeah. It's just...I'm...I'm..." I sighed and stuttered even more before Cartman lifted up my hand to show the shinny ring on my finger. My face was glowing red but I didn't move. I watched my parents squint at the ring before my moms eyes grew big. "Oh! Oh Kyle! Oh bubbie you're engaged?!" She got up to rush over to me and squeezed the life out of me. She was very short and hugging my tall and lanky self looked as if she was hugging a tree. "Congrats son! And to you Eric." My dad called out to us. Cartman smirked cockily but his face soon turned into shock once my mom hugged him as well. "Oh you two! This is wonderful! Oh bubbie, your aunts are gonna be so excited about this news! I gotta tell every body- Gerald go call your family and tell them my baby is getting married!" Gerald nodded and stood up. I smiled at my parents and looked over at Cartman who looked down at me with a matching smile. I guess he was right. I had nothing to worry about. Well until... "I can't wait to plan your wedding bubbie!"

Goddamnit.


	2. Chapter 2

"P-plan my wedding? Maa," I didn't mean to whine but come on! She always tries to take over any special event that I per take in! I couldn't even tell her about my job interviews because I'm sure she would have been there, holding my hand while she talked about how much of a good worker her little bubbie was.

I could feel Cartman's anger vibrate off his body as he pulled the back of my shirt. I was going to tell her it's fine but Mom waved for me to be quite as she held the phone to her ear. She then started to excitedly tell whoever was on the phone about the news, laughing and gleaming. I sighed and looked over at Cartman who was fuming.

He knew as well as I did that my mom would keep her word and try to take over this wedding. I wouldn't be so worried that my mom wants to make my wedding perfect, I seriously have no idea where to start anyway, but Cartman is really good at planning things and probably has a whole plan on how he wants the wedding to be like. So they'll likely clash during these 5 or so months. Great. Just what I needed.

As predicted, my mother wanted to know how we got engaged and I was in the middle of the story (Cartman was still angry to talk apparently) when my brother walked into the house. The tall Canadian, Ike, bent down to give me and my parents hugs and shook Cartman's hand.

"Ike! Guess what! Kyle's getting married! Can you believe it? Your big brother is getting married!" Ike smiled at me and punched my arm lightly. "Wow bro, that's awesome! Congrats!" "Thanks Ike." Ike laughed a bit, "I'm guessing Cartman proposed to you? You freaking girl." I glared at my asshole of a brother and could hear Cartman laugh next to me making me kick him. "Shut up Ike, I'm not a girl! It doesn't matter who proposed," "Yeah but you're the only one with the ring on the finger, so you're the girl." I shout fuck you to Ike and get chastised by mom. "Kyle, language! Ike, stop being mean to your brother! They're getting married as both males and that's that!" Thank you mom. I stuck my tongue out at him like a two year old and he just rolled his eyes. Eric continued to chuckle but wasn't really saying anything. It's a good thing because he'd probably say something far more inappropriate. Then I'd have to kick his ass and reject sex. I done it so many times before and he finally got the message when I said I wouldn't suck his balls for a year.

We left after having some dinner with my family and got home around 9. I was ineed of of a bath so I quickly ran upstairs to get the bath started. I walked inside my bedroom and saw Eric relaxing in the bed, lost in thought.

"Whatcha thinking about?" Cartman shifted his eyes over to me. "Kyle, I don't want your mom taking over our wedding! That's complete bullshit and you need to tell her no. Other wise I'll be the one telling her and I'm pretty sure I won't be respectful about it." I close the dresser and frown at him. "You know how stubborn my mom is! Why don't you just...I don't know, try to work with her?" The bastard snorted like my suggestion was some kind of joke. "Like fucking hell I'm going to work with that bitch." I threw a pillow at his face. "Cartman stop calling her that! I'm serious." "I don't care! I don't want to work with her! It's my wedding! I'm getting married to you, not your goddamn mom!" I sighed and crawled over to him. I placed my head on his shoulder and swirled my finger on his chest. "Dude, look...I really don't want any fights to happen once we start planning. I really just want this whole thing to go smoothly and since it's our wedding, my decisions are important to, right?" Cartman slowly nodded. "Well then, I want you and my mom to work together and make our wedding the best. Please...Eric?" I could feel him shudder and his left hand started to squeeze my thigh. I only call him Eric in bed or if I want something from him and it usually always works.

He sighs dramatically before laying his head on top of mine. "...Fiiine." I smiled and kissed the side of his red cheek. "I'll try to work with the dumb Jew bit-" I shoved off of him and got off the bed. "Goddamnit Cartman, you're such an asshole." I hear him say whatever as I stomp to the bathroom and slammed the door. I hate him so much.


End file.
